A flood warning

As anyone who travels on a National Express coach knows, the onboard toilet easily qualifies as an operational challenge.

Long distance coaches offer limited comfort breaks, so a place to pee is essential.

Unfortunately, mobile sanitation is not as good in practice as it might be in theory.

If you’ve ever sat near the back you would know that “smelly” is an understatement. I will say no more.

But that, I imagine, is nothing compared to the consequences for 50 passengers, driver and crew, of a flooded toilet.

Time to call the copywriters.

I don't know who wrote this, but it's masterful attempt at reducing the chances of catastrophe.

As a wordsmith it made my day to find this as I tried to keep my balance hurtling along the M4 while holding my breath in the cubicle.

So much I felt like I needed to deconstruct it.

! FLOOD WARNING

In ten years’ time, places like Venice could be under water.

A scaremonger opener, the red danger triangle grabbing your attention, letting you know this is a serious message, but followed by a surprisingly gentle introduction and a little gondolier picture.

This lulls you into thinking it's just pleasant info. An interesting micro-story as you pee. But then…bang.

"Same goes for this coach in the next ten minutes if you put things like nappies, wet-wipes and sanitary products down this toilet. Because a blocked loo means a flooded coach."

Stops you in your tracks (or flow, perhaps), as you realise Venice may be in peril in a decade, but the coach could be awash with who knows what because of you in the time it takes to do your business.

"As global citizens, we all have a responsibility to stop rising water levels - starting here. Please use the bins provided - thank you. National Express."

Artfully merges a moral obligation to stop global flooding over our lifetimes with a personal responsibility not to block the toilet right now.

After that the call to action only needs 4 words, and there’s room to thank the passenger. So much more powerful than a “Don’t do this” sign. Total 66 words.

This quality of copywriting deserves a wider audience because it shows how the expert use of words can cleverly yet gently compel and persuade.

It's a skill applied to stop an unwanted action that could be just as easily used to encourage a desired action, like making a purchase.

Great copywriting is one of the keys to engaging and nurturing email audiences that in turn leads to higher conversions and sales.

It's the antidote to the billions of demanding, pushy and shouty messages that flood the world's inboxes.

Yours in newsletters,

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